i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
