why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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