True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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