and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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