i wish starbucks made bloody marys
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize