I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
