I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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