Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize