well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
