i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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