Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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