so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
