Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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