Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
