Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
