You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just want to make out with him forever
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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