Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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