i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
drinking out of a sandbucket again
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize