the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
