I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
