He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
