my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
