dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
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