yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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