I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
