if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Randomize
