I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It's blow job season.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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