We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
