A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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