Old men and throwing up are my life now.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
We talked him into tasing himself.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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