Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
