we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize