I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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