She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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