Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I don't deserve a penis
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
