I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
This is classic penis vs brain.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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