So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
You're like the curious george of whores
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
