nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
