barbara walters just said penis...
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
