when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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