It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
