I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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