Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
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