I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
