i permit you to call me
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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