oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
