Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
