This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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