my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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