Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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