hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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