Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
