my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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