I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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