I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
