When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
