I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize