so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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