So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
