I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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