There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
