i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
