Me. At least after what I've been through.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
worst night to have a conscience
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize