I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
