why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
