and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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