Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
