Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
