I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
