I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
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