And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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