I think I won the penis lottery.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
