actually, I'm a sock model
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
