Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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