It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
