It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
