Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You have to summon your inner elephant
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
