holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
