i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
