i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
