I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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