What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
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