nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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