Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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