i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
