I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
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