but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
My bed smells like the plague
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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