I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
