we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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