Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Randomize
