Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize