You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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